One of the four girls we admitted to school is back with me -- for her Dasara vacations. She is 13, has come of age, and is just ripe to be married off before she gets “spoilt” or picks up a bad reputation.
Her grandmother is very anxious to get to work – marrying her off is top priority. She has visited the social worker/local guardian twice already. “Send her to my house for the vacations.” “I am old, I want my granddaughter to take care of me.” She threatened us (how dare you keep my grand child from me?), pleaded with us (I will die soon…), cried inconsolably for her grand daughter… All for the pleasure of marrying her off at 13!
The mother is also under enormous pressure. “Why aren’t you marrying her off? Are you going to keep her and pickle her?” she was asked, according to her own reports. “Yes, I will pickle her,” she claims to have replied.
The girl, G, has a story that is typical of many others. Father drunk. Has another family now. Her mother says she left her husband as he tried to kill the second girl when he was drunk; father says the wife walked out on him… Whatever the truth, G was put to work as a 6 year old – in a Seth house in Jayanagar. She took care of the child and also helped with washing dishes, etc. Mother says her aunt did it, i.e. G’s grand aunt. Then the mother found the child and rescued her, admitted both her daughters into a convent near coastal Karnataka.
From there, the story is fairly clear. The children stayed there, and attended school while the mother wandered for work. She has worked in a hostel as a cook, in a garment factory, in umpteen homes, etc. The girls stayed in the hostel for 4-5 years. Last April, the mother was asked to remove the younger daughter as she was “stupid”. The elder daughter, G, was labeled as bright.
She now wants to learn English and that's why she is with me. She has two teachers, who have been arguing about what is more important -- reading or comprehension. :)
Such a relief to worry about this, rather than the previous issue...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
We got taken for a long ride...
It was quite shocking.
The receipt number is the same.
The amount is the same.
The date and month are the same.
Only the year has been changed -- from 08 to 09.
We discovered that one of the students we support was cheating -- us! He had sent us last year's bill and claimed money.
We were upset and felt betrayed. After all, we all spend so much time, energy and money to ensure these boys get a decent education... coming as they do from families of coolies who drink away their earnings...
What do we do?
First, we tried to understand why he did it.
1. We ask for receipts, receipts, receipts. Perhaps the college did not issue a receipt and we were asking for receipt. What else could he do?
2. We only pay for educational expenses (fees, books, uniform, hostel, etc.) -- not debts incurred by the family, not daily wear clothes, not the occasional movie, not... not... not... Perhaps, he needs the money for any or all of the above... especially debts as boys a decade younger are earning an income, whereas he is not.
3. Perhaps he needs a mobile?
4. Or even a new pair of shoes...
5. Or perhaps, he just saw a bunch of do-gooders with money to burn...
I do not know the reason, but do we stop supporting him?
He is midway through his course. The money invested so far will be wasted as he will certainly drop out. Do I have the right to do this?
I tried meeting him, but he is sick and has gone home.
Plan of action:
1. After his return, go to his college and hostel and get first hand information about the fees paid this year.
2. With this information in hand, meet him and ask why he did this?
3. Explain that this has demotivated all of us to such an extent that we would like to close the Trust and stop the work entirely.
4. Make him and others sign a bond that they will repay all the money they have taken for their studies. This was a verbal agreement till now.
Or
Scream at him and get it over with.
Option 2 is always easier, isn't it?
But the big question is: How do I trust him with money henceforth? Need to work out a method whereby I pay the college directly, and not him. How fair is that? Life has no answers right now...
The receipt number is the same.
The amount is the same.
The date and month are the same.
Only the year has been changed -- from 08 to 09.
We discovered that one of the students we support was cheating -- us! He had sent us last year's bill and claimed money.
We were upset and felt betrayed. After all, we all spend so much time, energy and money to ensure these boys get a decent education... coming as they do from families of coolies who drink away their earnings...
What do we do?
First, we tried to understand why he did it.
1. We ask for receipts, receipts, receipts. Perhaps the college did not issue a receipt and we were asking for receipt. What else could he do?
2. We only pay for educational expenses (fees, books, uniform, hostel, etc.) -- not debts incurred by the family, not daily wear clothes, not the occasional movie, not... not... not... Perhaps, he needs the money for any or all of the above... especially debts as boys a decade younger are earning an income, whereas he is not.
3. Perhaps he needs a mobile?
4. Or even a new pair of shoes...
5. Or perhaps, he just saw a bunch of do-gooders with money to burn...
I do not know the reason, but do we stop supporting him?
He is midway through his course. The money invested so far will be wasted as he will certainly drop out. Do I have the right to do this?
I tried meeting him, but he is sick and has gone home.
Plan of action:
1. After his return, go to his college and hostel and get first hand information about the fees paid this year.
2. With this information in hand, meet him and ask why he did this?
3. Explain that this has demotivated all of us to such an extent that we would like to close the Trust and stop the work entirely.
4. Make him and others sign a bond that they will repay all the money they have taken for their studies. This was a verbal agreement till now.
Or
Scream at him and get it over with.
Option 2 is always easier, isn't it?
But the big question is: How do I trust him with money henceforth? Need to work out a method whereby I pay the college directly, and not him. How fair is that? Life has no answers right now...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Travails of being a social worker
H planned to be a social worker as his father was one. But S and I never did. We were just your normal people, wanting to lead normal lives. But fate has other things in store. We deal with people today -- people wanting to make lives at their convenience.
1. "We need Rs 20,000. Can you send it?"
20,000? That's a lot of money. What for?
"We have some loans, and we have a jatre (fair) coming up. So we need the money."
I am sorry, we only support education. And I do not have a job to give you my money.
They had their jatre, and they are deeper in debt with the local moneylender.
2. "Can you please send Rs 20,000?"
Why?
"For my daughter's marriage."
She is only 15. How can you get her married? Why do you want to ruin her life? Isn't it enough that you are suffering? And no, I do not have the money, and even if I did, I would not give you the money to get a child married. Cancel the marriage if you don't have money.
The marriage did take place, and the entire extended family is in debt.
3. "They said, whoever wants to take you away has to give Rs 2,000 each month."
What for?
"That is what I am earning here now."
A bright-eyed kid who barely looks like he has completed 4th grade, B is working in a grocery shop. He has dropped out of school because his parents want him to earn money. Both his parents migrated from North Karnataka and worked in Bangalore for the past few years. I know recession has taken hold of the economy because they are all out of work. So they sit at home and send him to work. Both the parents drink only once a week. They're good people. The rest of the crowd drinks everyday.
I spoke with him daily asking him to get back to school. He said he would speak with his parents and this was their response. He said he ran away, but someone found him and brought him back. He was not willing to run away again.
Should I call the child helpline and inform them? Where does he get taken? How will his life be there? I do not know, and I do not have the time to follow up with a part-time job, a full-time child, a full-time trust and an income to earn. :(
1. "We need Rs 20,000. Can you send it?"
20,000? That's a lot of money. What for?
"We have some loans, and we have a jatre (fair) coming up. So we need the money."
I am sorry, we only support education. And I do not have a job to give you my money.
They had their jatre, and they are deeper in debt with the local moneylender.
2. "Can you please send Rs 20,000?"
Why?
"For my daughter's marriage."
She is only 15. How can you get her married? Why do you want to ruin her life? Isn't it enough that you are suffering? And no, I do not have the money, and even if I did, I would not give you the money to get a child married. Cancel the marriage if you don't have money.
The marriage did take place, and the entire extended family is in debt.
3. "They said, whoever wants to take you away has to give Rs 2,000 each month."
What for?
"That is what I am earning here now."
A bright-eyed kid who barely looks like he has completed 4th grade, B is working in a grocery shop. He has dropped out of school because his parents want him to earn money. Both his parents migrated from North Karnataka and worked in Bangalore for the past few years. I know recession has taken hold of the economy because they are all out of work. So they sit at home and send him to work. Both the parents drink only once a week. They're good people. The rest of the crowd drinks everyday.
I spoke with him daily asking him to get back to school. He said he would speak with his parents and this was their response. He said he ran away, but someone found him and brought him back. He was not willing to run away again.
Should I call the child helpline and inform them? Where does he get taken? How will his life be there? I do not know, and I do not have the time to follow up with a part-time job, a full-time child, a full-time trust and an income to earn. :(
Saturday, September 5, 2009
We are closed for this year... Try again next year...
We at Kanasu have finally started putting up this sign to aspiring students. Simply because we lack the time and energy to raise funds and mentor the students at the same time.
A team of three -- with everyone holding down income-earning jobs -- and families to take care of, it has become kinda tough to mentor 40+ students. And boy, they do need mentoring.
N.N. lost his father in early August. His father was a habitual drunkard, not surprising as most of the houses in his village brew some very potent liquor. He beat his wife, threw her out of the house, and finally did himself in. Now that he is gone, his ghost continues to haunt the family. They had to pay the local "shastra"-reader a good sum of money to rid themselves of the ghost. This has left the family deeper in debt. They spent Rs 16,000 + on the death rituals, ghost-busting rituals, and feeding family and friends for the funeral. A collection was taken up, which brought in Rs 4,000 something. They still have Rs 12,000 in loans in the village.
Will N.N. continue studying? Or will he drop out to support his mother and mentally retarded brother and pay back the loans? I really do not know. But H (from Kanasu team) visited the house and handed over a small sum of money. We called several times from Bangalore and spoke with N.N. We asked his peers to talk to him and ensure he continues his education. He promised to return in 3 days and then go back for the 11th day ceremonies. But what actually happened was that he missed 15 days of college, including internals, and then came back.
Every day, we wonder if he is in school or not. If he has cut and run. If he is planning to continue the course or just simply give up... I will never know. We all live on tenterhooks, and will continue to do so all year, I guess.
If each child takes so much time and energy, how do we care for 40 of them?
A team of three -- with everyone holding down income-earning jobs -- and families to take care of, it has become kinda tough to mentor 40+ students. And boy, they do need mentoring.
N.N. lost his father in early August. His father was a habitual drunkard, not surprising as most of the houses in his village brew some very potent liquor. He beat his wife, threw her out of the house, and finally did himself in. Now that he is gone, his ghost continues to haunt the family. They had to pay the local "shastra"-reader a good sum of money to rid themselves of the ghost. This has left the family deeper in debt. They spent Rs 16,000 + on the death rituals, ghost-busting rituals, and feeding family and friends for the funeral. A collection was taken up, which brought in Rs 4,000 something. They still have Rs 12,000 in loans in the village.
Will N.N. continue studying? Or will he drop out to support his mother and mentally retarded brother and pay back the loans? I really do not know. But H (from Kanasu team) visited the house and handed over a small sum of money. We called several times from Bangalore and spoke with N.N. We asked his peers to talk to him and ensure he continues his education. He promised to return in 3 days and then go back for the 11th day ceremonies. But what actually happened was that he missed 15 days of college, including internals, and then came back.
Every day, we wonder if he is in school or not. If he has cut and run. If he is planning to continue the course or just simply give up... I will never know. We all live on tenterhooks, and will continue to do so all year, I guess.
If each child takes so much time and energy, how do we care for 40 of them?
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